i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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