Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
