five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
