My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just google imaged poop.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
