My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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