Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
