Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
