I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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