I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
