When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
