i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
