god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I need moral support for this bender
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize