He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
please come you make the beer taste better
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
