A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
