his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
