I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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