You can't special order awesome
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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