Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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