I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
