I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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