I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
