Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
