i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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