Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
