ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
