John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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