our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
