At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize