u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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