If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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