FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
