My cat gives me a boner
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
