I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
