i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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