I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
