So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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