did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
