Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
