then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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