we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
