Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
