don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
