So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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