Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
