And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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