a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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