It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
