I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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