I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
