38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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