My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
