There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
