12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
