Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
