sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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