I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think a kid would responsible me up
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
