Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize