After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
