We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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