alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
