how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
