Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
