I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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