well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
