I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
