the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
